Things you should never tell your spouse

 

Here are six things that you should never say to your (husband or wife):

1. Never threaten divorce. Never tell your partner you're leaving, unless you really mean it. The fear of a feeling of being left alone and forgotte) is deep-rooted in each of us, and can be traced back to early the time when a person is a child, when mom and dad were, for whatever reason, not there; not present. When you tell your husband or wife, lover or partner, that you are leaving, you threaten him at his very core. His inner conversation angrily faces/stands up to the idea, possibly for the first time, that you could actually live without him. This understanding/achieving a goal tears at the very fabric of your marriage promises and the idea that your loyalty to/promise to one another, no matter what, is constant and forever. The threat of divorce can seed those first roots of suspicion and rejection, causing/producing the loss of emotional closeness.

2. Never use the phrase "don't start." It is a common way to shut down give-and-take between people and, more importantly, it is talking down to people. It shares the limelight with other phrases such as, "cool it," or "keep calm." Phrases such as these rule and insult your partner. A better way to address increasing discussions is to simply ask, "What can I do to make things better?" This recognizes your mate as a grownup, both valued and validated.

3. Never say "You're just like your mother..." or father, sister, or brother. This is like name-calling. It disrespectfully treats like an object/views something complex as one simple thing your partner and makes him feel helpless. A statement that someone has done something bad is impossible to angrily face/stand up to without being related to actions that protect against attack. disrespectfully treating like an object/viewing something complex as one simple thing your partner injures without bleeding his sense of self and prohibits any possible deeply caring, understanding feelings or resolution.

4. Never say "I don't respect you anymore." This is a real conversation stopper and it is so hurtful to one's inner core that it leaves your mate powerless. lowering/flattening from losing air one's personality can only lead to withdrawal. It is right up there with betraying a confidence shared in a moment of emotional closeness or weakness, and is translated to the other as betrayal.

5. Never say, "Do it because I said so." This phrase treats something important as unimportant your husband or wife and reduces him to an immature/youth-related status. Phrases such as this that make your loved one feel inferior are poisonous to your relationship, as they close down any possibility of real problem-solving, which by its very definition must be back and forth/equal between people.

6. Never say, "You always do... whatever." This is a good way to put your mate on the related to actions that protect against attack, and, excuse the pun, it is a gross (big statement based on very little information). Statements that someone has done something bad are hyper-critical, and point to/show score-keeping, causing inflation. Poisonous language can only create space and distance between you and your mate.