Love ruined my Life

Lucy wasn’t my first love but when I met her when I was nineteen, immediately I fancied her, she was seriously good looking appetizing brunette, the same age as me. I was working as a mechanic at a garage in Nairobi when she started there as a secretary and all the guys I worked with instantly tried to chat her up. I didn’t have much contact with her at first but later that week she came looking for me because she couldn’t read a couple of scrawled invoices I’d written out. After my initial embarrassment, I started making jokes, she laughed at them and I realized that I might have a chance, when I do fall in Love, I tend to Fall hard and I realized straight away that I was smitten.

It had been six months since my last serious relationship which was my first love really I hadn’t been too badly burned by it so I was keen to ask Lucy out and see how things went. After establishing that she was single, I asked her out for a drink and she said yes. That first date was unbelievable even though we only went out for a drink she made me feel great, telling me that my other girlfriend must have been an idiot to let me get away. In fact, on our third date, we met my Ex and Lucy was so cool, just grabbing onto my arms and kissing me in front of her. She made me feel on top of the world and that is where I stayed for the next four years. She left to go and work for a travel firm while I stayed at the garage but I was actually quite glad when we stopped being the work “Love story: We got loads of out-prices holidays from her Job and went to some fantastic places likes. S. Africa, Nigeria and the last was to Dubai. We lead a great life with only the occasional bust up we’d just came back from a fantastic trip to Kenya (Home) from Dubai when I decided that I had to ask her to marry me. I worked overtime and blew Ksh. 4, 500/= on airing. It was x-mass Eve and we were going out for a meal before a party at her parent’s house; everything felt right, so I decided to ask her at Roast Restaurant. A mate of mine and his fiancée were inn there room, so we got a table away from them in a quieter part of the room. I was not even nervous when I went down on one knee. Before I said anything. I heard Lucy say, “oh, no not now”. And she started crying. I still thought at this point that she was crying because she was happy but then she got up and run out of the restaurant. I was still on one knee and I did not have any clue what had happened. I rushed out after her, I got her outside in the freezing cold, crying and saying that she needed to go somewhere and talk. I did not even bother going back in to pick up our coats before walking to the car I was in a daze. She was walking a head of me. When we got in the car, I just asked her what was wrong. Had I embarrassed her? I got a little angry at this point and I remember shouting “ I can’t be rushing you, it’s been four fucking years”, she just kept coming up with this lame excuse that she didn’t know what she wanted and was going to suggest that we take a break from one another over Christmas anyway. I was now beginning to feel humiliated and just wanted to get her out of the car, so I drove like a maniac to her parents. I shudder when I think back because I probably came close to killing both of us. When we got to her parents, she got out of the car saying nothing. I just blurted out that I love her more than anything does. She did not even look back at me. I drove around for ages, trying to make Sense of what had happened and eventually decided to go and see my younger sister. We had a conversation with my younger sister about the whole issue and she told me it was a good idea to propose to her about it in the first place but then everyone I asked had said the same.

My sister was amazed and told me that I had to let her have X-mass alone and that she was probably just shocked to be presented with such an expensive ring. That is when I realized that. I did not have the ring. I had left it in the restaurant, so I called them to apologize for the scene I had caused and asked them whether the ring was there. The guy, who I knew, said it was and that he had kept it safe for me. Before he hang up he just said, “I’m sorry.” That is when humiliation, anger and reflection all hit me and I just broke into tears.

It was the worst event ever. All I wanted to do was to talk to Lucy but somehow I managed to resist. I just stayed as drunk as possible for an entire week and on the night before New Year’s Eve; I was in a nightclub in town after being on the beer all day. I slumbered at the bar but I remember a mate coming over to say that we were going; he was trying to get me away from the sight on the dance floor. As we were walking out, I could just make out this sexy brunette, dancing between two blokes. It was Lucy. My friend tried to stop me going over but I only had one thought on my mind and it had nothing to do with fucking to her. I went up to one of the guys and hit him in the face. Then I remember being hit around the body a couple of times and ending up on the floor with my mate trying to get me out of it. The bouncers were on me in a shot while which was a good thing because in that state of mind I reckon I could well have Lucy too. I remember the bouncer working with my mate to get me in a cab.

I woke in his flat the next morning aching from head to toe. My only thought was to go around to Lucy’s flat and see if she was there. My mate advised me not to go but I did not listen. She wasn’t at her flat so I tried her parents place, after knocking for ages, one of her older brothers answered the door who at the time, I still considered a friend. He told me that Lucy did not want to see me and that I should just go home. When I tried to get past him, he hit me on the stomach and told me to ‘fuck off’. I realized he was just trying to protect her sister like I would have done, so I calmed down and asked him to ask Lucy to phone me at home, later that day. He said he would ask but could not guarantee anything. I went straight home and sat nervously, by the phone. Hours passed and no one had called so I just went mental and wrecked my flat. I started throwing plates against the wall and wrecking a picture that I had of Lucy and myself on Holiday in Coast. I ended up slumbering on the floor, crying, and then fell asleep.

The phone that woke me up was Lucy, she asked me how I was, but I just kept asking her who she was out with the night before because I had not seen any of her mates in the club. She said she was going out with one of the guys I had punched that she did not want me to find out this way but our relationship had run its course. I asked her how she could throw four years away just like that and she said that she had not realized it until she saw me go down on my knees. She said that she had fallen out of love with me and that she was sorry she was not even crying. I just lost it, called her a ‘cheating brunette’, and slammed the phone across the room. I hit the Vodka then I must have finished an entire bottle falling asleep again waking up at midnight.

There were loads of calls on the answering machine but they were from my mother, sister and other mates but none from Lucy. I was not sure where I was going when I grabbed the keys of the car and went out of the car but I knew I must have been several times over the limit. I can remember starting it up, putting on my safety belt and then just thinking about all the shit that Lucy had put me through and how cold she was. I was so angry. I put my foot down drove it full pelt into a wall on the other side of the courtyard. All my neighbors heard the crush and came rushing out to find me semi=conscious with all my arms; broken and cuts all over my face. Just afterwards, my sister and dad must have turned up. My sister drove me to hospital and told the nurses I had been in her passenger seat without a seat belt.

Meanwhile, my dad got the car towed to the garage he owns and we managed to keep the whole incident quite. They kept me in for observation room and the next day Lucy came to see me. I was made up because I thought I had proved to her how much I loved her. She was crying when she came into the ward with her brother whom he asked to stay outside. All she could say was that she was ‘sorry’ and I said that it would not matter as long as we got back together. She told me that I could not blackmail her like that and we could never be an item again. I then actually tried to attack her but her brother had been watching all the time and stepped in, thank God he did because I think this was when I was at my lowest and I hated her more than anything in the world.

That hatred soon turned into a kind of delusion as I went home and started calling her parents’ house. They were sympathetic for a time and then after about the fifteenth call in one day, they told me they would call the police if I phoned again. That is when I started hanging around Lucy’s work. I waited for her to come out one lunchtime and walked up to her. She looked terrified as soon as she caught sight of me and ran back inside. I tried to follow her but was stopped by the security guy in the reception. I made another huge scene, shouting out that, I only wanted to talk to her and that I still loved her. In the end, I calmed down and walked away but I planned to hang around until she left at 5:30 pm. When I came back, her brother was standing outside and before I could duck out of sight, he spotted me. He ran over and grabbed me by my broken arm. I could see that now he thought I was a pathetic and a potential threat to his sister. He hit me on the stomach and face and as I doubled over, he told me that if I came near his sister again he would break my neck. I went home spitting blood.

This was when I retreated into my own world. I lost my job because even when my arm was mended, I did not go for work. My mum and sister said that I needed mental help but my dad who was supporting me financially just kept telling me I needed to get over quickly. My mates all set up their own kind of revolving suicide watch on my flat for months. I was not suicidal, but I did need some kind of help. So after a couple of months of being a complete recluse I moved back to parents. This was the best thing I could have done and begun to get a little of my dignity and sanity back, working for my dad, at his garage. A few weeks on, I actually felt up for going out with a couple of close friends. As soon as I was out in the pubs, however I got paranoid that everyone was laughing at me and I was sick with fear in case I bumped into Lucy. The only thing I needed to do was just to get drunk, again. This got me as far as a club where my mates started a conversation with a group of girls. I was very quiet and then when one of the girls tried to talk to me, I just called her ‘Stupid little cow’. I just got drink thrown on my face and was dragged out of the club, this time by my mates. The thing I did realize that night was far from being alright. I resented women, all women and I knew that I have to get out of my hometown.

Therefore, that next day, I took what little cash I had made working for my dad and took off in an old banger of his. I told my family I needed to get away. They did not try to stop me because I think they realized that I know what I was doing. I did not know where I was going when I set off, but I ended up in Naivasha where I had a contract for a possible job. I booked into Msafiri Lodge and as soon as I walked in, I saw a stunning-looking girl behind me the reception desk. She was called Sussy, the owner’s daughter and we got chatting about why I was there. I just mentioned the work not Lucy, and she suggested that she take me out that night and show me around. It was exactly what I needed at the time and I did not have time to say ‘NO’. We had a great night out and all the pain I was, still feeling over Lucy seemed opening it too much. Sussy sensed this and asked me what was wrong, so I told her what had happened between Lucy and I. she was amazed how Lucy had reacted and we just stayed up talking about it most of the nights we met. It was the best therapy I could have asked for. She kissed me before we both went to sleep one night before we went both separately to bed and told me she really hoped we would go out again and again. She then said she wanted to prove to me that not all women were as she put it ‘nutters’.